Not Quite in the Middle Earth
by Shieldmaiden of Rohan
Summary: This is a strange little story showing what happens when a someone watches and reads Lord of the Rings obsessivly. Please R&R. I hope you enjoy.
1. Chpt 1: Your late!

I made this up. I hope you enjoy it. Please review no matter how horrible it is. You could just tell me how bad it is. I won't mind. Have fun! I don't own any of the characters, to be Tolkien, well, it would rock, except, I'd be dead. I don't think that would be very much fun.  
  
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Frodo was sitting under a tree reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. He hoped Gandalf wouldn't see him. Gandalf would be very angry and then Frodo would be a sad, sad hobbit. Anyway, there was Frodo quite content in reading there when he heard the off-key singing of an old man. Wait, it was Gandalf. Oops. Frodo quickly tucked the book in a pocket in his vest and ran towards the road.  
  
"Your late."  
  
"No I'm not, you stupid hobbit," Gandalf said has he pulled out his staff and hit Frodo on the head with it. "A wizard is never late. Nor is he, uh, what is it again? Oh yes, nor is early. He arrives precisely when he means to." He sat on his carriage/cart thing looking rather proud of himself for remember all of that. Frodo hopped into the carriage/cart and it continued down the road.  
  
"Fine then, if you must have it your way. Anyway, are you going to Bilbo's party?"  
  
"Why of course! What a silly question. I have to be there. I'm the only wizard who goes to Hobbiton by way of one of those fireworks places, and Merry and Pippin need some fireworks so they can steal one."  
  
"You aren't supposed to know about that Gandalf."  
  
"I know.But I had to peak at the script. Anyway, I have to be at that party. I enjoy being the tallest person in the mosh pit at parties." Frodo raised his eyebrow at this.  
  
"Alright then Gandalf. Well, I have to go somewhere." Frodo jumped off of the cart and ran back into the forest to find a nice spot under another tree. He thought, " No more Gandalf to worry about. Now I can get back to my reading." 


	2. Chpt 2: Bilbo's Party

Bilbo's Party  
  
Festive music plays as all the younger hobbits sit waiting for the rock music to be put on. Gandalf was also sitting uncomfortably at one of the small tables waiting for the mosh pits. Frodo was talking to Bilbo.  
  
"It's the Sacksvill Bagginses!"  
  
"The who?"  
  
"Actually I'm not sure, but we should run away anyway."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Frodo and Bilbo both yell, "Run away!" multiple times and then manage to find a tent to hide behind.  
  
"They're gone."  
  
"What was that all about?"  
  
"I don't know. I think they want my house. They don't like me being this old. Oh well, tough for them, I don't care."  
  
~Later that night~  
  
Gandalf had been setting a few of his fireworks off. Two mischievous looking hobbits walked up to the end of his cart.  
  
"Grab that big red one with a dragon-like head!"  
  
"But what happens if we 'accidentally' set it off inside of a tent? We could get in trouble!"  
  
"We're supposed to set it off inside the tent, that's what the script said. Did you even read it this morning?"  
  
"Uh, I did, sort of, I skimmed over it a bit." The first hobbit sighed.  
  
"Well, I guess that will have to do for now. Now, go and grab that firework so we can get on with the scene!" The other hobbit grabbed the firework and they left the cart. They walked passed a tent that looked particularly empty and decided it would make a wonderful place to set off a firework. They lit the fuse.  
  
"Now what?"  
  
"I don't know it was your idea."  
  
"No it wasn't! It was Peter Jackson's."  
  
"Good point, though a large-dragon-like firework does appear in the book, it was set off by a tall wizard with a gray pointy hat and not by two hobbits." The fuse was beginning to grow short and the two hobbits didn't have much time to decide what to do. The hobbits began pushing it back and forth to each other.  
  
"I don't want it!"  
  
"Well, what makes you think that I want it?"  
  
"I don't know, but I know I don't want it!" The fuse wouldn't hold out for much longer.  
  
"Take it!"  
  
"No! I already told you that I don't want it!"  
  
Only a few more seconds until the firework would shoot off.  
  
" Just take it!"  
  
" For the last ti- AUGH!!!!!"  
  
As you probably already guessed the firework took off. Many hobbits ran screaming for cover at the sight of the "dragon". Most of them didn't find any and crouched down covering their heads in some hope that they might find cover from the dragon. The hobbits looked up just as the dragon turned into a spectacular shower of light and they all proceeded to cheer.  
  
Two rather embarrassed looking hobbits tried to sneak away with dirt covered faces and crazy Einstein hair. Gandalf walked up grabbing them by the prosthetic ears.  
  
"Hmmm. Meriadoc Brandybuck, and Peregrin Took. I should have guessed. Stupid little hobbit's always getting into my fireworks. They're not cheap you know. And the one you set off was very expensive. I think I shall make you wash dishes."  
  
"Oh no! Not the dishes Gandalf! Anything but washing dishes!" yelled Merry.  
  
"Oh please, Gandalf! Anything but the dishes! It burns us!" added Pippin.  
  
"It what?"  
  
"It- nothing. It's not fun, that's all"  
  
The hobbits ended up washing the dishes for a good hour or so, missing most of the good music. Later that night Bilbo was about to give a speech.  
  
"Hello various hobbit families. I am so glad that you could make it to my eleventy first birthday. Eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable hobbits. I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."  
  
At this the hobbits look up in confusion. They all looked at each other and then pulled tomatoes and various other types of rotten fruits and veggies out of their pocket and began throwing them at Bilbo.  
  
"Oh fine, then, I'm leaving." Bilbo pulls his ring out of his pocket and puts it on. Instantly he vanishes and runs down the road back to his house. 


	3. Chpt 3:The Ring Passes To Frodo

Hi folks. Thanks for the reviews. I would also like to apologize for the lack of updates. I 'm in marching band. I spend very little time at home and use that time for sleep. I will try to put up updates as often as I can. I also know that I have not put up another disclaimer for the second chapter. Obviously I don't own Lord of the Rings though. Any way, it's time for the show.  
  
When Bilbo entered into his house he took off the ring.  
  
"Stupid hobbits," he muttered. "No respect for their elders. I'm going on a holiday any way so I shan't worry about them."  
  
Gandalf walked in. "That was some stunt there, Bilbo. They'll talk about that one for months," he said. "And since your leaving, will you be leaving the ring here?"  
  
"Ring? What Ring?"  
  
"The one in your pocket."  
  
"Well, off course I'll leave it. Why wouldn't I?"  
  
Gandalf sighed at this and said, "Just make sure you leave it with Frodo."  
  
"Alright, you don't have to say it again." Bilbo began packing, gathering maps and food. When he was finished he closed is stuffed bag and walked towards the door and found a rather used looking walking stick and tested it out. His face looked displeased and he placed it back in the stand. He picked up another one and found it suitable for the trip.  
  
"I'll be off now."  
  
"What about that ring of yours?" Bilbo's faced turned to a look of surprise.  
  
"Rats! And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling wizards." He pulled the ring out off his pocket and dropped it on the floor. He looked at it for a second and walked out of the door.  
  
"Well, I finally got rid of him."  
  
A few hours later:  
  
Frodo walked into the house looking rather tired form having to clean up after Bilbo's party. He saw Gandalf.  
  
"He's left, hasn't he?"  
"Yes, Frodo. He's on holiday. Oh, and he left you his ring."  
  
"He left me his ring? Yeah!" Frodo began to dance around the room.  
  
"That's quite enough of that, my boy. Here put it in this envelope that I have been keeping in my robes for just such an occasion." Frodo put the ring in the envelope and Gandalf sealed it. "There, now keep it safe. And don't lose it."  
  
"Yes sir!"  
  
"That's a good boy. Now take care of the place. No parties, no excessive drinking, the lot. Just be a good little hobbit until Bilbo or I get back."  
  
"Yes, Gandalf. I'll do my best."  
  
"Ok, well, I'm going now." Gandalf exited out the doors and jumped into his carts and speeded down the lane. Frodo shook his head and muttered something about the other hobbits hating Gandalf.  
  
I'm sorry if it was short, but this scene isn't very long. I'll try and update asap, but I don't know when that will be. Ok, well, until next time: That's all folks! 


	4. Chpt 4: Mmm! Donuts!

Ok, It's been about forever and a half and I apologize. And I don't own Lord of the Rings (as fun as that would be). I will try and update more often. In a few weeks the marching band season will be over and I will have more time.  
  
Many years later, in Middle Earth in a land called Hobbiton in the Shire:  
  
Gandalf came riding up quickly to Frodo's house.  
  
"Open the door you stupid little hobbit!"  
  
Frodo looked up from his book and hopped out of his rather comfortable chair. He mumbled something about wizards being bothersome as he padded to the door. He opened it and greeted the old wizard who ran in.  
  
"Gollum told Sauron you name and where you live. You don't ha-."  
  
"Wait, slow down. Who's Gollum? Sauron? What?"  
  
"The ring! Then ring!" Gandalf danced about madly.  
  
"What is this ring you speak of?"  
  
"It kind of looks like a donut, but it's gol-."  
  
"A donut! Yum! I love donuts!"  
  
"Shut up and let me finish you stupid halfling!" Frodo looked down at the ground sheepishly. "Anyway, it's gold, and it's really important. Your uncle gave it to you."  
  
"Oh, yes. That ring. Hold on." Frodo walked around his house from room to room like he had forgotten where he had put it, mainly because he had. After a few minutes he face brightened up and he ran into the library. He ran back out with an envelope. Gandalf snatched it out of his hand and ripped it open. He threw the ring in a conveniently placed fireplace. He grabbed some tongs and pulled the ring out of the fire.  
  
"Here it's quite cool." He dropped it in Frodo's hand.  
  
"Youch!" Frodo dropped the ring on the floor.  
  
"You stupid hobbit! You dropped the one ring! How clumsy can you be?"  
  
"It was hot! I couldn't help it!" Frodo crouched on the ground and gazed at the ring. "Some writing is appearing, but I can not read it. I am not literate in that curvy stuff this is written in."  
  
"Figures. Well, it says things about being the one ring, to rule them all, to find them all, and in the darkness bind them all; that and some other stuff. This ring must go to a really tall mountain in the middle of a land of evil. But first you can take it to Rivendell." There was some rustling under the window. Gandalf raised his hand in quiet and then pounced on the noise made in the shrubbery under the window. "Samwise Gamgee! Have you been eavesdropping?"  
  
I ain't been dropping no eves sir."  
  
"Well, find then, you go with Frodo. I have no use for you here." 


End file.
